Defeating Despair

Falling Into Despair- The Devil’s Joy

Of the many unifying aspects that humans have, an unavoidable one is the fact that we all sin. We do it every day, all the time, knowingly or unknowingly.“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23.

Through personal experience and conversations I have had with friends and family, it seems that while we embark on the constant journey of sinning, repenting, and confessing, there becomes another struggle that we must try to overcome- despair. 

This happens often when we commit a huge sin in our eyes. We can be left in a state of disbelief.  How could I have done that? I thought I would never do that ever in my life- what was I thinking? Wow, I’m a terrible Christian and person. I know that these exact same thoughts have run through my mind when I commit those “huge” sins in my life. Many times, I find myself standing in the pews of church, ashamed to even be there, wondering if I am even worthy to be called a Christian. These feelings of self-hatred and despair can also happen with those repeated sins that we struggle to break. Over and over, we promise ourselves that we won’t commit that sin again, and over and over, we fall. When we fall consistently, we can let ourselves succumb into a state of acceptance –I’m never going to fix this about myself, why bother? I’m a lost cause. I’ll never be able to overcome this sin. We accept the state of our sins, becoming content with them being a part of our life and we stop trying to conquer them. Or worse, we give up completely on our spiritual life and relationship with God, feeling that we will never be a “good Christian.”

Do. Not. Fall. Into. That. Trap.

Despair is one of the biggest traps the devil lays out for you.  The devil desires nothing more than for us to become complacent with sin. 

So, how do we prevent ourselves from falling into despair? Or, how do we defeat it ? How can I, as a Christian, regain hope in myself that I can walk through life, hand in hand with God?  Honestly, despair is a huge obstacle in my spiritual life and it has taken me many years to figure out a decent step-by-step guide on how to practically overcome it. Reading “On Repentance and Defeating Despair” by St. John Chrysostom was also an incredible help to me and I highly recommend it to anyone who is also struggling with this. 

When I feel like despair is creeping in, first and foremost, I remind myself – This is what the devil wants. The devil is a clever magnifying glass. He magnifies our weakness and corruption because he wants us to lose hope. Of course he’s going to want you to feel like sin is greater than you are. As H.H. Pope Shenouda says in his book, “Life of Repentance and Purity”,  “Once the devil tricks you into thinking that you are greater than sin, he will tell you that there’s no use in struggling and you will give in to sin and remain in it until your soul perishes”. So when you feel like you will never be “better” or a “good Christian” – remind yourself that these thoughts not only come from the devil, but that this mindset will indeed make you seem weaker than sin and will ultimately result in your spiritual life perishing. 

 Secondly- how do I give myself the courage and strength to fight these sins that I am dealing with? How do I fight the thoughts that tell me – You’re too weak and you will never overcome this sin! God would never allow us to struggle with a sin that we can not defeat. Yes, this is true. Every sin we deal with, it is within our means to overcome it. It’s moments like these when I realize that God really did put the answer to every question and struggle we have in the Bible. 1 Corinthians 10:13 states, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” To think that we are given a sin we can never defeat- that thought is not justifiable. It’s stated clearly in the Bible, but also, does that thought make sense when we know that God is merciful, fair and just? How can a merciful and just God give us a sin that we could never conquer? Know that our sins are not impossible feats to conquer, and when we lean on God and set our mind diligently on the things of the Spirit, we will experience how the Spirit of God moves in our life and be able to focus on living a pure and righteous life for Him. 

The last thing that has helped me is realizing that my spiritual journey and my relationship with Christ- they do not center on my falling, rather than on my getting up- “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord” (1 Cor 15:57-58). St. Paul assures us that our struggle will not be in vain; but the Lord will reward each one according to his effort. Our struggle will be rewarded. As St. John Chrsyttom and many other church fathers state- struggling against sin without giving up or giving in is, in itself, a victory over sin.  

If you are grappling with the weight of your sins, remember, we are not uniquely bad. Look at how many sinners that transformed their lives completely -St. Moses the Strong, St. Mary the Copt, Zacchaeus the tax collector who became the first Bishop of Caesarea, Levi the tax collector who became St. Matthew (one of the twelve apostles). They would have never conquered sin if they felt like they were hopeless cases who were too deep into sin to change. Please know that no matter how deep and far we fall, Christ can reach deeper. He is there to pick us up, and not merely up to the surface, but into heaven itself.